musings

Writing is a process that needs dedication and continuity. Writing about one’s feelings is a delicate process. For some time now I have been feeling rather ambivalent about this blog. It used to be my social network, the place where I would come and rant or posit on what was going on around me. It was more a superficial, albeit entertaining, endeavor and obviously I grew tired of it.

Facebook and Twitter came along. They changed me. They shut out the writer in me;I allowed them to shut out the writer in me in a very conscious and present way. Why open up to myself? Why expose thoughts and feelings? It’s much easier to send virtual flowers, fight in a virtual mafia and send virtual karma. Don’t get me wrong, the connections and re-connections to long lost friends and family members that I have made over the last two years are indispensable to me. But for how much I delight in finding long lost classmates, I have lost my way in terms of writing.

I feel like a hypocrite. I work in schools where I veritably teach children to write, I introduce myself as an educational consultant and writer and yet, I have not committed a word, phrase or paragraph in months. Months! I’ve doodled ideas in a journal (an actual paper one!) and rejoiced that I was able to write a memory or two, exalted at the idea that perhaps the writing would begin again, but nothing. I let myself fall into a soporific stupor of Facebook, making excuses for myself that it helps me relax, when in reality, it fails to do so.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard myself tell one of my students, in order to become a good writer, one must become a good reader. And suddenly I realised that I hadn’t read a single page, a single post in a long time. When I was blogging on a more regular basis, most of my time was spent reading! Doh! All I have read in recent weeks, I’m embarrassed to say, have been 140 character snippets on Twitter and Facebook statuses.

And so with this open confession, with this brand new post on the first day of December, starts the blog anew. It will be a very different blog. It will be not a blog for others, but one for me. A place where I can honestly and openly write. Where, hopefully, I can build my writing skills and actually make concrete what has been rumbling in my head (and heart) for a long time.

I must remember to be patient with my writing. I must remind myself that writing is a process that requires much more time and dedication and love that I have given it so far. I must push myself to write every day no matter how small or insignificant the post may be. I must remind myself not to judge it and let it be.

Welcome back to me.

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